So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
