the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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