so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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