I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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