After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
