So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
