strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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