Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
