the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
