how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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