We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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