I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
