So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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