My boss' voice literally gives me gas
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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