Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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