i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
