It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
