I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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