let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
