i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
