How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
