I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
