i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
