Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
