they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
