just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
