i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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