Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
