i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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