I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
