Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
