Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
