Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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