First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
