Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
