She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
