I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
