My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
