hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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