Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
