You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
