she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
