your parents love me but you hate me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
