It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
