Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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