i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
