I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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