There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
