Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
