now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
