i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
